I remember when I was younger, back in the fifties there was an awful lot of concern about nuclear war, communism and aliens. Never once did I ever hear anyone mention that those aliens might come from earth to one day return and conquer.

In the forties, and fifties no one understood the dangers of toxic waste. We used to store all of our toxins in what is now referred to as toxic waste dumps. These were open fields where steel drums of toxic chemicals were dumped, and left to rust. Soon the fields became uninhabitable to all but the smallest, most adaptable creatures, ants, roaches, rats, and snails.

Snails of course were the most susceptible to mutation in this environment, and grew extremely intelligent. So intelligent in fact that they realized the danger of toxic waste long before humans ever did. They soon developed a plan to move to Japan, a country with a large population of Buddhists who would respect the rights of the snails. Japan also had very clean and healthy soil and water.

When the snails arrived in Japan all seemed well with the world. The snails soon found out though that Japan was also the leading consumer of seafood, and other crustaceans. Fortunately for the snails, W.W.II broke out. Nuclear holocaust. The snails seemed to be all the more worse now. This seemed to be certain doom. However, the snails mutated even more with the radiation.

Not only were the snails extremely smart, they also developed a sense of logic, and order. First order of business for the toxic, radioactive snails was to form a government of sorts, electing a leader of the snails to lord over any problems they may encounter and to give advice on all matters relating to toxic radioactive snails. This done, they had to decide on where to move now, since radiation is also very bad to live in for snails and other living things. The toxic radioactive snails decided on a few different options and brought the matter to Lord Snail to make a final decision. After pondering all the choices only one seemed to be the right one for the snails.

The Soviet Union was a strong country. On the winning side in W.W.II, and full of science and education one couldn't go wrong. The Soviet Union also had an excellent space program. Lord Snail told the others that the only way to be truly free, and live life the way they wanted to, was to be free of earth. Outer space was where they needed to be. So on they ventured to the USSR.

By time the snails reached Moscow sputnik was almost ready for testing. The snails steadily, and stealthily climbed aboard. Luckily they all found a nice little cubby by launch time. Unbeknownst to the snails, they were all in the trash ejection chute. After sputnik completed it's orbit, the trash was disposed of before reentry taking with it all of the toxic radioactive snails.

One would think this is where the story should logically end, but knowing that these snails have survived thorough toxic waste, and a nuclear holocaust, you should realize that in outer space, they not only survived, but thrived. Upon exposure to the zero pressure atmosphere of outer space the snails attained incredible gains in size, making them giants among snails one might say.

Living on a discarded lump of frozen garbage which would be their home for years to come, which they dubbed "Planet Slime", they realized that they never had to go back to the old ways again. Life would be different, better. They would rule all that they surveyed. They realized also that now they were space snails so they named themselves "The Snaliens". While in space the Snaliens developed an advanced way to survive. They also created titanium alloy shells with built in laser weapons to be their shelters and their vehicles propelled by radioactive slime to generate a nuclear engine. As the Snaliens slowly cascaded toward earth, they realized that they could take over the planet with their advanced knowledge and technology so they plotted a course.

The Snaliens searched far and wide for a place to land that would be out of the view of most humans, so they could rest and formulate their plan for world domination. The one place they found was in North America. An isolated area in the wilds of Utah seemed very flat. It would be far enough away the humans wouldn't see them land, or moving about, yet close enough that they could start conquering almost immediately.

After landing in a dry lake bed the snails all gather around The Lord of the Snaliens to hear what the course of action would be. The wind started blowing. All too late the Snaliens realized that the wind was blowing salt all over them. Fate had landed them in an earth oddity, an ancient inland saltwater lake bed. Salt, the Snaliens only weakness, apparently brought upon themselves by their own greed to rule the world which they had actually been given so long ago.

THE END.

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