The-Satirist Online Resume'
	*I've been working for the past thirty years at trying to find a paycheck without working for it. Here is my newest attempt. I'm looking for a job. Here is my resume'.* Nine years:Machinist. Experienced in Davenport Screw Machine setup and operation to manufacture production parts. Experienced in Mori Seiki CNC Lathes programming, setup and operation to manufacture "custom", and "production" parts. Four years: Research and Development. Designed, manufactured, and tested "custom" and "production" wheels. Twelve years: Automotive Service Technician. Experience in all aspects undercar repair.(Brakes,Exhaust,Shocks and Struts) Experience in Tune-up, Engine repair and rebuilding, Custom Drive Shafts, and Rear Ends, and Electrical repairs and troubleshooting. Experience with Tires and Oil and fluid change. Four years: Salvage Yard Dismantler. Experience in Taking things apart using hand and power tools and a cutting torch. Two years: Nursery Laborer. Experience in lifting heavy balls of dirt with plants and trees in them. Three years: Carpenter. Experience in hitting the wood with a hammer, and occasionally the nail. Cutting three pieces of wood to get one good one of the right length. Getting yelled at by the boss, and providing favors via my connections in the family business. (Mafia) Four years: Clown. Experience in Juggling, Magic, Unicycle, Balloon Animals, Slapstick and Pratfalls, Comic Acting, and having and giving a good time. Zero Years: Professional Fisherman. (Note: This is one I would like to add to my resume'.) Three Years: U.S.Army. Chemical Corps. Experience in Blowing things up, Chemical Smoke generation, poison gas and NBC defense. Two years:Boatyard labor. Experience in Motorwork, Woodwork, and Fiberglass work on a variety of Large Yachts, and Sailboats. Many Years: Wandering aimlessly doing little jobs here and there. Experience in personal angst, regret, and wishing I had done things differently. What I'm looking for in a new job: Large amounts of money. I want my salary to make the "National Debt" pale in comparison. Free Time: Lot's of Vacation and Sick time. At least a month of each. Benefits Package: Lot's of free stuff. Company Car. Paid lunches. Clothing allowance. Liberal dress code. Profit sharing. Three day work week, maybe four. Paid escorts for company functions. Condo in Florida for vacation time. Etc. My position with your company would include a very light workload, no responsibility or accountability, and would require you overlooking my complete lack of caring about a job hardly done. Subscribe to my newsletter Unsubscribe from my newsletter This site forged 1-15-2004© All material on this site is copyright© by Chuck Calhoun.

The-Satirist

Online Resume'

I've been working for the past thirty years at trying to find a paycheck without working for it. Here is my newest attempt. I'm looking for a job. Here is my resume'.

Nine years:Machinist. Experienced in Davenport Screw Machine setup and operation to manufacture production parts. Experienced in Mori Seiki CNC Lathes programming, setup and operation to manufacture "custom", and "production" parts.

Four years: Research and Development. Designed, manufactured, and tested "custom" and "production" wheels.

Twelve years: Automotive Service Technician. Experience in all aspects undercar repair.(Brakes,Exhaust,Shocks and Struts) Experience in Tune-up, Engine repair and rebuilding, Custom Drive Shafts, and Rear Ends, and Electrical repairs and troubleshooting. Experience with Tires and Oil and fluid change.

Four years: Salvage Yard Dismantler. Experience in Taking things apart using hand and power tools and a cutting torch.

Two years: Nursery Laborer. Experience in lifting heavy balls of dirt with plants and trees in them.

Three years: Carpenter. Experience in hitting the wood with a hammer, and occasionally the nail. Cutting three pieces of wood to get one good one of the right length. Getting yelled at by the boss, and providing favors via my connections in the family business. (Mafia)

Four years: Clown. Experience in Juggling, Magic, Unicycle, Balloon Animals, Slapstick and Pratfalls, Comic Acting, and having and giving a good time.

Zero Years: Professional Fisherman. (Note: This is one I would like to add to my resume'.)

Three Years: U.S.Army. Chemical Corps. Experience in Blowing things up, Chemical Smoke generation, poison gas and NBC defense.

Two years:Boatyard labor. Experience in Motorwork, Woodwork, and Fiberglass work on a variety of Large Yachts, and Sailboats.

Many Years: Wandering aimlessly doing little jobs here and there. Experience in personal angst, regret, and wishing I had done things differently.

What I'm looking for in a new job:

Large amounts of money. I want my salary to make the "National Debt" pale in comparison.

Free Time: Lot's of Vacation and Sick time. At least a month of each.

Benefits Package: Lot's of free stuff. Company Car. Paid lunches. Clothing allowance. Liberal dress code. Profit sharing. Three day work week, maybe four. Paid escorts for company functions. Condo in Florida for vacation time. Etc.

My position with your company would include a very light workload, no responsibility or accountability, and would require you overlooking my complete lack of caring about a job hardly done.

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