The-Satirist God's going out of business sale
	According to a news story heard on NPR, The Archdiocese of the catholic church is closing sixty five parishes in the Boston area and plans on selling more than one hundred buildings currently owned by the catholic church. When asked why they were closing all these parishes the Archdiocese replied; Well the pope called and told us that God was retiring and we should sell out as soon as we could." Some may see this as insider trading but a spokesman for the catholic church points out that since faith is not a public commodity, even though they have the inside information, there is no legal grounds for concern. When told that anyone can have faith, Father Pedo replied; "Faith is ONLY for Catholics. Everyone else is going to burn in hell." As unusual as that sounds, he really seems to believe his words. Outside the Saint Rodney the Flatulent Parish, the parishioners were gathered to protest. Shouts of "Hell no, we won't go." were heard above the general murmur of the crowd. Our man on the scene interviewed Mary Magdelene CCVIIX. (Mary) "This whole thing is all about money. I don't believe God is retiring. Most of us don't even believe in God. How can you retire if you're an entity? We're just not converting enough donations from the new members. That's why we're being shut down." Investigative reporter "Diggin Deep" has been undercover in the Vatican since before the story broke. He's told us that everything he's heard from the outside has been rumor and conjecture. He personally heard the pope say,"They're not real Catholics. Real Catholics are 'Roman Catholics'. They are Irish Catholics, Shut them down." So as far as we can tell, God is having a yard sale and he's ready to retire. Even His Estate, "Pearly Gates" is up for sale. Rumored to have a fully paved with gold driveway, a huge family home, and many mansions. The list price is $42billion. Must be a cash transaction or direct wire transfer to the Pope. Subscribe to my newsletter Unsubscribe from my newsletter This site forged 1-15-2004© All material on this site is copyright© by Chuck Calhoun.

The-Satirist

God's going out of business sale

According to a news story heard on NPR, The Archdiocese of the catholic church is closing sixty five parishes in the Boston area and plans on selling more than one hundred buildings currently owned by the catholic church.

When asked why they were closing all these parishes the Archdiocese replied; Well the pope called and told us that God was retiring and we should sell out as soon as we could." Some may see this as insider trading but a spokesman for the catholic church points out that since faith is not a public commodity, even though they have the inside information, there is no legal grounds for concern. When told that anyone can have faith, Father Pedo replied; "Faith is ONLY for Catholics. Everyone else is going to burn in hell." As unusual as that sounds, he really seems to believe his words.

Outside the Saint Rodney the Flatulent Parish, the parishioners were gathered to protest. Shouts of "Hell no, we won't go." were heard above the general murmur of the crowd. Our man on the scene interviewed Mary Magdelene CCVIIX. (Mary) "This whole thing is all about money. I don't believe God is retiring. Most of us don't even believe in God. How can you retire if you're an entity? We're just not converting enough donations from the new members. That's why we're being shut down."

Investigative reporter "Diggin Deep" has been undercover in the Vatican since before the story broke. He's told us that everything he's heard from the outside has been rumor and conjecture. He personally heard the pope say,"They're not real Catholics. Real Catholics are 'Roman Catholics'. They are Irish Catholics, Shut them down."

So as far as we can tell, God is having a yard sale and he's ready to retire. Even His Estate, "Pearly Gates" is up for sale. Rumored to have a fully paved with gold driveway, a huge family home, and many mansions. The list price is $42billion. Must be a cash transaction or direct wire transfer to the Pope.

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